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304 North Cardinal St.
Dorchester Center, MA 02124
Dear Beautiful Soul,
I need to say this out loud:
It’s hard to heal when you don’t even know what you’re healing from.
That was me. Maybe that’s you too.
After my divorce, I didn’t know what I needed. I just knew I felt lost, angry, ashamed, and exhausted. Not just from the marriage—but from years of unseen, unspoken pain I had buried so deep, I didn’t even recognize it.
So how do you heal when you feel broken… but can’t put your finger on why?
Let’s talk about it.
1. Start With Stillness
Healing doesn’t begin with a plan.
It begins with permission.
Permission to stop pretending. To stop performing. To sit in the silence and say:
“I’m not okay, and I’m allowed to not be okay.”
Don’t rush to fix it. Just sit with it.
That alone is medicine.
2. Trace the Pain
Sometimes the pain isn’t just from the divorce.
It’s from:
- Growing up never feeling “enough”
- Always being the strong one
- Abandoning yourself to make a relationship work
- Grieving the life you imagined but never got to live
Use a journal. Ask yourself:
“What memories still make me flinch?”
“What am I secretly angry about?”
“Where did I first learn to stay silent?”
3. Name the Losses
You didn’t just lose a partner—you lost:
- Your identity as a wife
- A version of your future
- Family routines
- Emotional security
- Years of investment
Grieve all of it, not just the relationship. You’re allowed.
4. Build Emotional Muscles
Healing isn’t about pretending it never happened.
It’s about learning to:
- Regulate your emotions
- Trust your gut again
- Say no without guilt
- Receive love without fear
This takes practice, not perfection. Start small, every day.
5. Forgive Yourself for Not Knowing
Forgive yourself for:
- Staying too long
- Not seeing the signs
- Losing yourself
- Believing lies
You did the best you could with what you knew. That version of you deserves love, not shame.
6. Create New Meaning
Use your pain to birth purpose.
Write. Create. Teach. Rest. Speak.
Don’t wait until you feel “ready”—start while you’re still shaky.
Your healing may take time, but it doesn’t have to take five years like it did for me.
That’s why I built The Restart Academy—to give you shortcuts I never had.
Final Note From My Heart to Yours:
Sis, healing is not a cute little self-care checklist.
It’s a full-body rebirth. It’s messy. It’s sacred. And you don’t have to do it alone.
You are not broken.
You are becoming.
And on the other side of this pain is a version of you that will shock you with her strength, softness, and success.
Keep going. You’re worth it.
With all my love,
Temi 💖
